The cat killed and ate the mouse. That seems simple enough. This essay will attempt to take this simple statement and report it to the public from the standpoint of the left, the elite media, and the right, Fox News and talk radio. As seems to be the case in events like this, no verification of the actual killing and subsequent eating were ever pursued. The story was just made available to the media by anonymous sources.
has reached the newsroom of a recent tragedy. A mouse, from all
indications an innocent victim, was reportedly killed and then eaten by a
mighty, overweight, and cunning predator. The mouse, in an effort to
feed his hungry family and provide a better life for them, broke into
the home of a wealthy Wall Street banker. Whether or not the break in
was legal is unimportant. What is important is the mouse was hungry and
the mouse was only eating the scraps of food the rich home owners and
their cat would not eat. Upon discovery, the innocent victim mouse was
then pounced upon by the stronger and better equipped cat, dispatched,
and then eaten by the greedy predator. It is clear to this reporter that
if the cat had been cared for by his wealthy owner and fed properly
this tragedy would and could have been averted. Instead another innocent
victim, one who could have possibly at some time become a contributing
member of rodent society, has forever been removed just to satisfy the
lust and greed of the fat cat. The wealthy owner, when asked to comment,
said only that cats do what cats do and I am grateful the mouse has
been removed from my house. Grateful? Really? Grateful? We here in the
newsroom are saddened by this tragic event.
So much for the left wing media. Now for the other side.
has reached the newsroom of yet another illegal breaking and entering
and its justifiable results. Unknown sources have reported to us that a
mouse, by all indications an illegal alien, has attempted to subvert the
American system and steal the resources of a hard working family and
their beloved pet. This illegal mouse was spotted by the resourceful and
diligent cat who did what he was supposed to do. He defended his
domicile and was further rewarded by a tasty morsel of food. To those
who attempt to defend this mouse it should be noted that he was not only
representing himself but he was attempting to find a new home for his
entire family. And, by the way, he had not just one family but many,
many families and none by benefit of marriage. It’s reported that he has
sired as many as fifty or more offspring and all of them are now
attempting to continue in their father’s illegal footsteps.
The cat’s proud owner, a local businessman currently employed by a
family owned and operated, neighborhood-friendly bank, was justifiably
ecstatic at his pet’s ingenuity, patriotism, and entrepreneurship. His
comment, “If we had more capable, energetic, and aggressive cats, this
would be a better place to live. Vermin everywhere should take notice.
We will not put up with your illegal activities.” Republican candidates
for President, when asked for their reactions, all called for a special
commendation for the heroic cat. We here in the newsroom all add our
congratulations to the owner and his fine cat. Our future is indeed
brighter because of this tremendous act and it gives us all renewed
hope for America.
story was that a cat killed and ate a mouse and I have taken certain
liberties with this essay. You and I know it is silliness, but at the
same time there is some truth here that needs to be discussed. It is
incumbent on all of us to be very careful with what is reported as news
and to remember to cull out what is obviously opinion and agenda from
both sides of issues. I long for a time when news will just be reported
and I will be allowed to come to my own conclusions and form my own
opinions. I can hope, can’t I?
Ron Scarbro November 16, 2011
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