THE CAT AND THE MOUSE

The cat killed and ate the mouse. That seems simple enough. This essay will attempt to take this simple statement and report it to the public from the standpoint of the left, the elite media, and the right, Fox News and talk radio. As seems to be the case in events like this, no verification of the actual killing and subsequent eating were ever pursued. The story was just made available to the media by anonymous sources.

Information has reached the newsroom of a recent tragedy. A mouse, from all indications an innocent victim, was reportedly killed and then eaten by a mighty, overweight, and cunning predator. The mouse, in an effort to feed his hungry family and provide a better life for them, broke into the home of a wealthy Wall Street banker. Whether or not the break in was legal is unimportant. What is important is the mouse was hungry and the mouse was only eating the scraps of food the rich home owners and their cat would not eat. Upon discovery, the innocent victim mouse was then pounced upon by the stronger and better equipped cat, dispatched, and then eaten by the greedy predator. It is clear to this reporter that if the cat had been cared for by his wealthy owner and fed properly this tragedy would and could have been averted. Instead another innocent victim, one who could have possibly at some time become a contributing member of rodent society, has forever been removed just to satisfy the lust and greed of the fat cat. The wealthy owner, when asked to comment, said only that cats do what cats do and I am grateful the mouse has been removed from my house. Grateful? Really? Grateful? We here in the newsroom are saddened by this tragic event.

So much for the left wing media. Now for the other side.

Information has reached the newsroom of yet another illegal breaking and entering and its justifiable results. Unknown sources have reported to us that a mouse, by all indications an illegal alien, has attempted to subvert the American system and steal the resources of a hard working family and their beloved pet. This illegal mouse was spotted by the resourceful and diligent cat who did what he was supposed to do. He defended his domicile and was further rewarded by a tasty morsel of food. To those who attempt to defend this mouse it should be noted that he was not only representing himself but he was attempting to find a new home for his entire family.  And, by the way, he had not just one family but many, many families and none by benefit of marriage. It’s reported that he has sired as many as fifty or more offspring and all of them are now attempting to continue in their father’s illegal footsteps.

The cat’s proud owner, a local businessman currently employed by a family owned and operated, neighborhood-friendly bank, was justifiably ecstatic at his pet’s ingenuity, patriotism, and entrepreneurship. His comment, “If we had more capable, energetic, and aggressive cats, this would be a better place to live. Vermin everywhere should take notice. We will not put up with your illegal activities.” Republican candidates for President, when asked for their reactions, all called for a special commendation for the heroic cat. We here in the newsroom all add our congratulations to the owner and his fine cat. Our future is indeed brighter because of this tremendous act and it gives us all  renewed hope for America.

The story was that a cat killed and ate a mouse and I have taken certain liberties with this essay. You and I know it is silliness, but at the same time there is some truth here that needs to be discussed. It is incumbent on all of us to be very careful with what is reported as news and to remember to cull out what is obviously opinion and agenda from both sides of issues. I long for a time when news will just be reported and I will be allowed to come to my own conclusions and form my own opinions. I can hope, can’t I?

Ron Scarbro November 16, 2011