HOW DO YOU SAY GOODBYE?

As I have grown older, I have been trying to come to grips with the loss of close friends and relatives. I have long said that one of the penalties of aging is having to say goodbye to loved ones. I just turned 81 this month. A lot of people close to me never reached that age. I know that I am richer for having had them in my life, though. 

 

This column, however, is far more personal. We just learned some more friends of ours are dealing with a serious disease. They have decided to refuse available treatments. I guess I understand. It can be very difficult. But I am thinking now about the wife. How does she say goodbye? How do you say goodbye to a lifelong partner? How do you just go on? I know intellectually, that you can and do, but wow, how do you do that?

 

I decided that because of this news and the fact that my wife and I are both in our senior years, I would try to come up with a plan. This December will mark our fifty-ninth year of marriage. The rules seem to be that the man goes first, but that isn't always the case. But assuming I do go first, how do I think my wife would handle it?

 

First, my wife is a Christian and a very spiritual person and I believe she would get along without me. I think she would miss me, but she believes as I do that we will be together again in our next life. In the meantime, there is the loneliness that would be a part of her life. 

 

So then, here is my primer on dealing with the loss. Number one, we have our memories. If your life is anything like ours, those memories are rich and delightful. We produced two beautiful children who have grown up to become talented and productive adults. Like most couples we have had our ups and downs. Mostly ups. But we participated in and saw things neither of us had ever imagined we would. We have traveled the world and lived in many parts of this country. 

 

My wife is a city girl, but when I decided I wanted to be a hog farmer, without a complaint, she went with me and became a hog farmer's wife. We lived in the country. She helped me butcher chickens. She helped with the garden and she canned vegetables. I would go deer hunting and she helped cut up our deer. We picked wild berries and she made jam. She even learned how to fish. In every way she became a country girl. 

 

Then we moved back to the city. She once again became a city girl. All of this has been our life together. I believe today she would have a difficult time deciding whether city or country life was better. 

 

Yes, she could say goodbye, but she says she would prefer "see you later".  And I am proud to believe that. 

 

But if the shoe falls on the other foot and I am the one left behind, that becomes another issue entirely.

 

While I am physically strong, emotionally I may not fare so well. As an example, I suffered a broken leg a while back. While dealing with that accident my wife was my constant nurse. Some might say that one could hire a nurse. Yes but, what my wife does for me could not be bought. Love cannot be bought. She has been my constant companion for our lifetime. I have grown to depend on her being there. I cannot imagine what life would be without her. And I don't want to. I'll continue to ask God to be kind to us both as He has been in the past. He will know best.

 

Ron Scarbro October 26, 2021